Johnny: And now, Rich, let's introduce today's contestants.
We don't have any contestants.
Johnny: Well, Rich, I have a librarian from Highland Park waiting behind the curtain.
That's just a mannequin you purchased from a going-out-of business sale.
Johnny: She's also a homemaker, mother of four, and ...
Moving right along -- we're here to update you on how the Northern Colorado Writers' 30 Members in 30 Days program is going so far. Johnny?
Johnny: ... likes to play with throwing stars in her spare time.
Johnny: Oh, excuse me. Well, Rich, we're halfway to the halfway mark in our membership drive, which means we have a little more than a half left until we reach the goal of connecting to the other half.
Johnny: We're doing all right, but we can do better.
Right. Perhaps we need to tell our readers the ways they can help us reach our goal.
Johnny: Or, I can find where they live and release a pack of man-eating squirrels on their lawns.
Johnny: Man-nibbling prairie dogs.
Johnny: How about a gopher that sucks on someone's thumb?
Oh, look, Johnny. Someone who hasn't gotten the home version of the game yet or their year supply of Hamburger Helper.
Johnny: What? Oh my lord ...
Now that Johnny's distracted, let me tell you the three ways you can help NCW reach its goal of 30 new members in the next few weeks.
Join: Enjoy more of myself, Johnny, and the other talented teachers and members of NCW by signing up for a Standard or Professional membership. More information on both at the Northern Colorado Writers website.
Renewal: Those members who already belong to NCW can renew their membership early as part of our drive. Everyone who renews will receive one additional month free should we reach 30 members. And if you refer someone new to join, you'll get additional months added.
Upgrade: Do you have a Standard Membership with NCW? Well, why not pay a few dollars more and sign up for the new Professional Membership, which contains numerous extras to promote your published works.
Ladies and gentlemen, please take a moment to sign up with Northern Colorado Writers, and help us reach 30 new members in 30 days before Johnny finds out what I did.
Johnny: Well, Rich, that wasn't a very nice thing you did. I'm quite miffed.
Johnny: Man-eating squirrels -- SWARM!
Uh, gotta run.